Cashmere -- Wha?

Apologies for the absence of this week's Cashmere Reading, dear readers. I was on a wee little vacation, and could not make myself pick up a newspaper, let alone come up with mediocre witticisms.

Oh, but they'll be back this weekend.

Thanks for understanding, I knew you would.

Oprah's Favorite Things Heralds End Of The World

Before yesterday, I'd only seen one episode of "Oprah" and that was the TomKat episode. Now, granted, that was A.MAZ.ING., but I felt no need to expose myself to it again. However, my co-worker Katherine (KT) maintained that I needed to see the phenomenon knowns as the "Favorite Things" show, in which Oprah gives a shitload of free things to an apopletic crowd. Since KT has shown me time and again flawless judgment, I took her word. The below is our conversation with another co-worker, Michelle (MK), while I open the floodgates, and let in the Oprah. Lord help us all. (If you want a sampling of just how nuts this shit gets you can click here for some excellent footage. Seriously. It'll scare you.)

EA: MY FIRST OPRAH GIFT GIVING EVER!!!
…Macon Georgia. They have highest ratings an that's why there doing it there.
Is Oprah opening another school in Macon? DO they need one?

MK: Surprise!

EA: Bakersville CA is so pissed off at Macon Georgia right now.

KT: someone is going to stroke out
like, have a heart attack
that southern cholesterol…
they are praising Jesus
KT: they church of oprah

EA: Oh. My. GOD.

MK:
i love that there's no intro
it's just: here's stuff!
take it!

EA: Oprah is giving a camera
So if a teacher…

KT: No molestation jokes
This is a Happy Christmas place
Wonder if their cameras will say "oprah cam" in the display

EA:
oprah just said "y'all"
She's channeling Color Purple

KT: she's going to drag the show out with that accent

EA: "Y'all notice I'm talking like y'all"

MK: the accent is grating

EA: SHOES!! OPRAH IS GIVING SHOES AWAY~~~

KT: uggs

EA: THEY DON"T HAVE THOSE IN GEORGIA

KT: careful
i'm in Virginia
we may be fat southerners
but we have shoes
that our cousin/husband gave us

EA: she took a road trip with Gayle, huh?

KT: you should watch more
the whole first week of this season
was them on the road

EA: Like Thelma and Louise, but less rapey, less whitey and less deathy?

KT: less Pitt-y

EA: Oh no. I've got lots of pity.

KT: She's talking about how her staff is awesome. Anytime a staff is thanked, i appreciate

MK: Cheering is lower for the cheaper items

EA: Oprah is sending cupcakes to people's houses. Because these people need more sugary substances.

KT: MIXING BOWLS!!
praise jesus
like oprah cooks

EA: No. Gale cooks, Oprah cleans up. That's how it works in their house.
Mystery gift! It's going to be a kitchen aid.
Holy shit am I good.

KT:AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH
it's like they got cars

MK: Yeah, my interest for the mixers is not so strong

EA: Those things are so fucking expensive.
It's the "Cadillac of mixers"!

KT: $349. fucking wedding registry item

EA: Next up: the planet earth dvds!.
If anyone talks shit about Planet Earth, I will cut them.

MK: seriously. and i love that "discovery channel" gets more cheers than "planet earth"
clearly, they have no idea what it is -- but it's cool to cheer a brand.

KT: i think they had to turn on the applause sign for that one

EA: "Female ass is a strange creature." Best Planet Earth quote ever.
It might be the best quote in general ever.
So does Oprah pay for all this out of pocket, or does the channel?

MK: Oprah asketh, and companies giveth

EA: Betchoo the camcorder guys don't suddenly decide they DON"T want to be a favorite thing.
Franzen: take note.
Oprah is giving away Kai body butter!

KT: worldwide debut of a lotion?
A loofah and soap in one! genius

EA: 28$ soap. Fuck the world.
OPRAH IS GIVING A VIBRATOR

KT: It's a Sonicar face brush –I want this

MK: face brush
that sounds bad for your skin -- pushing crap back in to your pores

KT: they aren't even standing to applaud
this audience is jaded


MK: "Bathing is a hobby"?

KT: when you're a billionaire

EA: Next: "Pillars of the earth" autographed by the writer.
Ken Follet's publisher just got some more chump change.

MK: haha, no woohoos for the book

KT: let down

EA: How miserable do these fed-ex elves look?
Answer: very.

KT: I'd be miserable if i had to hand out that shit and not get any

MK: at least they didn't make them put on fake ears

EA: MOST EXPENSIVE FAVORITE THING EVER coming up.

KT. I'm not thrilled.
It's a fridge with a TV in it

EA: I want people to flip their shit.

KT: They will

MK: okay, that dude in the front is wearing like a pale blue reject tux

EA: This is no TomKat

KT: NOTHING is
your bar is too high
But now you love and respect Oprah
for the deity she is

EA: If I argue with you, will a fed-ex elf kill me?

KT: yes
Oprah is omnipotent

EA: Oprah has a "love sandwich" she makes for Stedman?
or she HAS one for him?

KT: i call bullshit
she has someone do that for her
oprah skilleting onions?

MK: We should google that sandwich

KT: Panini Makers! Those are expensive.
$99.95
OMG
most expensive thing!?
if oprah said "whoa"
you know it's good
drumroll?
they will flip their shit

EA: It's a fridge. With a high def tv in it
with dvd
a radio
and a slide show option for digital photos
Welcome to America's high def Dark Ages!


KT: People are crying.
leaping
shaking
screaming

EA: It has icecream inside!

MK: Just what Macon needs. more ice cream

KT: it's sorbet
the fatties won't like it
that shit is $6.99 at Elis!
where does Oprah buy it for $4.99?

MK: in bulk of 5,000

KT: $3700 for the fridge.
jesus

MK: she changed outfits!
oh wait, thats th point

EA: Oprah is giving away a fancy mumu with pants.

MK: wow. ugly.
are those pjs?

EA Dear Oprah:
Please stop talking like that.
Sincerely,
Everyone.

EA: Are you one of those people who grew up watching this?

KT: no
my mother didn't let us watch tv
my life is a response to that

EA: "My Mom Didn't Let Me Watch Oprah, But Now Look At Me: Katherine's Story."

Mk: what does Steadman do again?

KT: "businessman"

EA: Now Oprah is giving away Tom Cruises'ses United Artists box set
With 90 dvd's

KT; whoa NOW they're excited!

EA: It's otherwise known as the "No one is Seeing Lions for Lambs, let's make a box set because it worked for The Family Guy" box set

KT: Wow
giving her magazine
lame

MK: pshaw. 29.99
But, her autograph!

KT: they are more excited for that
than the book
OPRAH TOUCHED MY BOOK

MK: WE CAN CLONE HER DNA

EA: Oprah has a star in the eaves
It's… Josh Groban!

KT: a sort of star
they are howlin

EA: Wasn't he kicked out of Il Divino?

KT: He's was never IN Il Divo
Know your boy bands

MK: how old is he now?

KT: it's middle aged TRL
i find him strangely attractive
not today
but in general

EA: Never say that again.

KT: just a little
not today
bad hair today
Macon's water does not agree with his hair

MK: ugh, i can't listen to carols this early in the season

KT: Agreed
only, wait
it isn't early
it's just 70 degrees outside

MK: he's dating a hot girl, right?

KT: they broke up

MK: well, he's tall

KT: he is tall. half of vince vaughn's hotness is his height

MK: Especially now with The Bloat

EA: I think some women in the audience are crying.
I was sort of hoping someone would have a holy experience
like start speaking in tongues
Which I guess Oprah is, with the accent and all

KT: there are still 7 minutes left

EA: Final thing: charity wrapping paper from hallmark

KT: i like knowing Bono would approve of my wrapping

EA: It's fake snowing!!! Oprah is fake happy!!
She thanks the town, the local police, and asks god to bless them

KT: i think it's nice

Well. Oprah is over.
Thoughts?

MK: wasn't as crazy as i was expecting

KT: I love Oprah

EA: Oprah makes me uncomfortable.

Dear Movie Marketing Pplz!

Dear Marketing Ppl:

I know you really heart showing how super scary it would be if, like, lower Manhattan were covered in ash and smoke, and like, people were running around screaming and terrified, and like, everyone thought they were going to die. Don't know if you got my txtmessg, but New York was actually already destroyed once, and totes in real life!!



I mean, some ppl might think you were being callous and shallow, and like, showing signs of douchery and cynicism previously unknown to those New Yorkers, who like, didn't die when everything went all ashy/deathy, but I guess it might be worth it -- I HEART Will Smith! He's a total dreamboat. And J.J. Abrahams?? He must be sUpER smart cuz I don't get "Lost" at all -- but I watch it all the time cuz that Jack is sooo haute!

Anyway, just wanted to clue you in on the latest -- Mebbe you want to change yer posters (just keep Will Smith pleaz!)



Luv,
Liz

Post Secret! xox!:

Cashmere Reading 11/18/2007

By the power of Greyskull, this is Cashmere Reading for November 18,2007!

The Week In Review:

Frank Rich must be listening to a whole lot of Nas lately, because this week he's in a New York state of mind. He's into the Judith Regan/Rudy Giuliani/Bruce Kerik/Ruper Murdoch brouhaha. Confused? So are the rest of the five boroughs (the rest of the country doesn't really seem to care as NO ONE IS COVERING THIS). It's so confusing, so I suggest you just read Rich's column. It's a big juicy New York story though - a lot of money, a lot of tempers, and a lot of big city businesses coming together: publishing, newspapers, coppers, robbers, coppers who are robbers, the whole kit'n'kaboodle. Regan is suing Murdoch's HarperCollins (from which she was fired after almost publishing O.J.'s "If I Did It") for $100 million dollars. If she wins, I think she should get a diving board and jumped into a pool of money, like Scrooge McDuck:



Anyway, when is the rest of the country going to get a clue as to how much of a crook Giuliani is? I mean, all he needs is a tommy gun and a fedora.


Sunday Styles

Bill Cunningham, I heart you. This week's "On The Streets" is all about black and white graphics and stripes, and includes a fab pic of Anna Piagi, who I also heart.

Modern Love has something about a diesel car reviving someone's marriage, and I can't even begin to think about reading it. This column is only fun when it's about retarded navel-gazing youngsters worrying about being alone for the rest of their lives at the age of 25. I don't want to read about people thinking the same thing at 40 -- I like to think I'll have gotten over it by then.

This week's Vows, thanks goodness, is a really un-hateable story about Moira Egan, a poet who was nominated for the National Book award, and the hunky Italian man who translated her poems as a way of flirting, "It's a really strange kind of intimacy... It's like we're one poet, in halves." Le sigh.

Speaking of poetry, Horance Mann, a swanky private school is in a bit of a Dead Poets Society pickle after firing a beloved teacher for writing a satire of a swanky private school where insane parents do stupid shit to get their kids into swanky colleges. Dr. Andrews Trees may have written a mediocre book (Academy X), but it's encouraging to see that students and teachers are supporting him. Stand on desks, kids, just pick something other than Whitman to shout.


Front Section

This week, everything is Pakistantastic, with a slew of articles talking about how it's really hitting the fan. The Times clues us into a $100 million US program to secure Pakistan's nuclear arsenal, but, (big surprise) the goods aren't really secure enough. Also, seeing as how Musharraf is uh, a totalitarian despot, who exactly are we "securing" the weapons from? I mean, Bhutto doesn't get launch sequence codes yet, does she? Also, The Times says that they've known for three years about the program, which makes me wonder...


Also, Judith Regan is suing Murdoch for the same amount of money as it takes to secure Pakistan's nuclear arsenal? Holy dick.

My favorite article is "Bush's Belief in Personal Ties Blinded Him to Mushsrraf's Faults, Critics Contend" by Sheryl Gay Stolberg. Ahem:

They said Mr. Bush -- an ardent believer in personal diplomacy, who once remarked that he had looked into he eyes of President Vladimir V. Putin of Russia and had gotten "a sense of his soul" -- was taken in by the general, with his fluent English and his promises to hold elections and relinquish military power. They said Mr. Bush looked at General Musharraf and saw a democratic reformer when he should have seen a dictator instead.

Let's think outside of the box, let's dare to ponder, let's take a moment to take a gander at the possible, and ask...What if President Bush wasn't mistaking Musharraf, or Putin for pro-democracy leaders? What if President Bush does view them as dictators, and doesn't care? What if Bush doesn't have a problem with dictators, as long as they play nice with him?

The UN issued a "feck you!" climate change report, which will piss off China and the US. I don't really remember when Kofi Anan stopped being the Secretary General, but this Ban Ki-moon cat is pretty cool. BTW: The Kyoto Protocol expires in 2012. If you want to see a polar bear before they all die, I'd start planning that trip to see Knut now, if I were you.

(Related: it seems that the Mine Safety and Health Administration didn't conduct inspections at 107 of 731 underground coal mines. Why do people still think coal is a good idea again? Oh right! It's clean coal. I guess it's worth it to let people die in the mines then.)


The Arts

Is it so wrong that I sort of want to see The Nutcracker?

Other than Basquiat, who really cares about Julian Schnabel?

Does no one else think its creepy that it was some animator's job to spend hours focusing on making Angelina Jolie naked?

Why am I not surprised "No Music Day" is a British phenomenon?



How comes all days can't be Sundays?



Happy Sunday!

Out Of The Closet

Oh Rachel Sklar, you sklay me.

Cashmere Reading: 11/11/2007

Go Go Gadget: Tea!
Go Go Gadget: NPR!
Go Go Gadget: Slight Hangover!

Dr. Claw, check yourself before your wreck yourself, because this is the Go Go Gadget: Cashmere Reading for November 11th, 2007.


The Week In Review

Frank Rich is Pissed.Off. and it is awesome. This week's piece "The Coup At Home" connects the dots between President Bush's freaky deaky Orewellian odes to Democracy while at the same time attempting to dismantle it ("There is no express grant of habeas corpus in the Constitution")and General Pervez Musharraf of Pakistan's hilarious total shut down of free press, right to assembly, and right to not support a dictator who overtook the government in a military coup:

Even if Mr. Bush had the guts to condemn General Musharraf, there is no longer any moral high ground to stand on. Quite the contrary. Rather than set a democratic example, our president has instead served as a model of unconstitutional behavior, eagerly emulated by his Pakistani acolyte.

Zing! You mean, Frank Rich, that maybe our President doesn't actually like democracy? Why, whatever do you mean? ("If this were a dictatorship, it'd be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I'm the dictator.")

The best part of this week's column would be Rich coming down like a ton of bricks on douchehats Dianne Feinstein and Chuck Schumer for voting to confirm Michael Mukasey, who I think might wasterboard his own children as a coming-of-age ceremony. Rich channels Cher (of Clueless, not of the assless leotard):

"But then [Schumer] vowed to support a new bill "explicitly" making waterboarding illegal because Mr. Mukasey pledged to enforce it. Whatever."

Yeah, you practitioners of asshatery, WHATEVER!

MaDo quasi-interviews Seth Meyers, head writer of SNL and co-anchor of Weekend Update. They both say funny things. Him a little bit more than her.

Sunday Styles

The lead story is called "Too Much Information? Ignore It."

Will do.

Bill Cunningham! Oh how I love him. This week's "On The Streets" is close to my little, pale, redheaded heart, as it's "In Kilter" (!) and all about tartans. Pictures from a ceilidh ("kay-lee")at St. John's the Divine figure prominently. This makes me recall, through a haze of The Famous Grouse, a dinner function during my year abroad at St. Andrews University, during which I needed to dance a particularly twirly traditional dance with the president of the university, Dr. Brian Lang. Good thing he was entirely affable, because I was three sheets to the wind after the waiter poured scotch allover my veggie-haggis. Regular haggis, which is traditionally eaten with scotch on it (like most things in Scotland)tends to actually absorb the booze. Not so much faux haggis.

Madeleine in tea, sheep anus in booze, same thing.

This week's Modern Love is entitled "When One of Me Suddenly Became Three." When I see the pull quote, "Finding the child I put up for adoption led to a bonus: my grandchild," I decide to skip out this week.

I do notice an ad for a black patent leather Mulberry bag, which is adorable: simple and chic. It's called "The Mabel Bag" and the note tells me it'll cost me $1395. If that isn't a fuck-you to people with any common sense, I don't know what is.

There seems to be another article about how the Black kids are getting into this whole "skateboarding" thing. This is different than the one about Black kids aren't getting into this whole "indie rock" thing. So discerning, those kids. I especially enjoy that that skateboarding that involves anyone who isn't White, is called "urban skateboarding." Way to go Times!

Rachel Axler has written a very funny diary of her time on the WGA strike line. As a shout out to friends from Conan, Colbert, and writers' of scripts about "So there's this guy," I'd like to steer you all to towards the Writers Guild of America's support page where you can read how you can lend a hand. Or, take them pizza. Whichever.

Alright, Vows, . Forget about the fact that I'm so single I can't even order a double latte, give me some inspiration.

So Dianne Nabatoff and Robert Machinist were getting older and freaked the fuck out and now they're married. Oh, it's not that guy in the big picture -- that's her father. She wasn't that freaked.

But guys, they had great phone sex, so it's totes true love:

It sounded swell, but there was ah itch: they lived on difference coasts. So they resorted to texting, e-mail and nightly phone calls.
Their exchanges were "electric," Mr. Machinist said. "She doesn't descend into idiomatic blather. When you get to know someone from the sound of their voice, from their thought patterns and their speech cadence, it's completely different from falling in love with their image and trying to fill in the blanks afterward."

I recently really fell for this guy's really lovely low voice, with a sort of jilted, shy speech pattern. Wouldn't you know, turns out he was seeing someone else's soft, lyrical cadence. Just my luck, eh?

The Font Section

We've "lost" around 190,000 pistols and automatic rifles in Iraq . Whatever, they have the right to bare arms!

Gattaca is totally gonna be the future, but not every man will look like either Ethan Hawke or Jude Law (bummer).

The stagehands are copying the writers, which means they're keeping me from seeing "The Little Mermaid," which is probably a good thing.It's fine, I have the double disc DVD.


Philip Taubam's article on the death of the the spy satellite program is heeeeeyoooouge. Also, and this might be crazy-go-koo-koo of me, but... I don't really think spying on people using satellites is dead. Just a thought.

Speaking of crazy-go-koo-koo, Ron Paul is the new Howard Dean.

And finally, Norman Mailer died. His obit tells me that he was a sort of a woman-hating jerk from the Left, not a woman-hating jerk from the Right, like I thought. Learn something new every day.

(Related-ish Sidenote: I HEART going to protests where male leaders ask you if their kaffiyeh's are tied straight, and would you mind getting them a decafe grande nonfat wet cap, with a single splenda, shug?)

The Arts

A story on Edward Albee! He's terrifying ("People should be objective enough to write a play in praise of Hitler. Yes, I bet I would be able to do that") and intriguing ("Creativity is magic, don't examine it too closely.") He's also 80, which is a total surpirse. From "Who's Afraid of Virgina Woolf" to "Who Is Syliva:Or, The Goat" I love this man's brain. Albee has four shows going into production in the city in the upcoming months.... Er, if the stagehand strike ends.

Another stupid article nitpicking on the autobiographical nature of Noah Baumbach's films. People who HAVE to know whether a film is autobiographical, are the same assholes who have to have the end of "The Sopranos" explained to them. ("Creativity is magic, don't examine it too closely.") Since he's the patron saint of all Vassar graduates, and "Kicking And Screaming" was a balm to my snotty, overly-verbose, recently graduated soul, I'll end there.

I see an ad for some movie called "Bee Movie." That's funny, I haven't seen anything about it. I wonder what it's about?


That's it from me.

Go Go Gadget: Happy Sunday!

Best Missed Connection EVER .... UPDATED: Connection No Longer Missed!

So something you might not know about me: I have a real soft spot for personal ads where people are looking for people they saw once: on the subway, on the street, or in the park, anywhere in our gotham jungle.

There are some total Crazie McKooKoo's out there, there's no doubt about it, but every now and then something comes up that's pretty gosh darn sweet. For instance:

Click To Enlarge

Apparently some mancub named Parick Moberg thinks he saw the girl of his dreams on the subway. I applaud him for the slightly queasy, slightly adorable drawing, and having the chutzpah to do something about it. Also: noticing the girl's "rosy cheeks" and describing her braided hair as "fancy." Here's the man himself:


Patrick discusses the girl of his dreams from Jakob Lodwick on Vimeo.

I mean...I get it: the sketches, the hair messy-ing, the hoodie, the shyness tempered with putting his phone number on the internet. But... Who cares? Sort of adorable, right?

I check my local Craig's List missed connections page, because it tickles me. The idea of love at first sight is appealing because it's instant, it's the fallacy of love without effort, time, or hurt. Primarily though, I'm always looking for a good story and this, no matter how it ends, is a great story.


(Thanks to Gawker.com for the link.)


UPDATE:
The possible girl of hoodieboy's dreams has been found. Turns out the blue-shorted, rosy-cheeked ladylass is an intern over BlackBook. Her name is Camille! That totally matches his hair/hoddie combo. Let's wish the kids luck, huh?

Cashmere Reading: 11/4/2007

Dear Reader,

Welcome to what I hope will be a little running gag here at Impudent Ways: Cashmere Reading, a run down of that glorious New York institution, The Sunday New York Times. Sundays are my favorite day of the week, because it's the only day of the week made of cashmere. You can laze about, listen to NPR for eight hours straight, and keep the tea flowing.

I'll do a quick (ish) run down of the sections I read, which means no Business, Sports or Travel. I'm also keeping the Magazine, Book Review and suppliments out of it, because not even I want to hear me rattle on about how depressed the Best Sellers list makes me. And a-way we go:


The Week In Review

The Week In Review is always my first stop on the Sunday Times Choo Choo, specifically Frank Rich. I have a complete and utter brain crush on Mr. Rich and urge everyone to read his book, The Greatest Story Ever Sold. Rich used to be the Times head theater critic. While some would argue that this doesn't make him particularly equipped to offer thoughtful political criticism, I find that he's able to connected the dots in a way that other columnists only quip about (I'm looking at you, Dowd.) This week: "Noun + Verb + 9/11 + Iran = Democrats' Defeat."

Rich discusses the White House's war drums pounding ever louder, as we begin "Iran: Iraq Harder." Of course Sen. Clinton gets a walloping for continuing to straddle both sides of the Iran argument (She's for "vigorous diplomacy" but "[she's] also not in favor of doing nothing.")

The point that resonates the most with me is the idea that the Bush Administration may just be trying to russel up as much fear as possible, but actually has no intention to bomb Iran, as surely not even they are that fool-hardy. Actually, they're savvy and way more evil than that:

"Fear, the only remaining card this administrations till knows how to play, may once more give a seemingly spent G.O.P. a crack at the White House in 2008."

Scare everyone, show how spineless the Dems continue to be, and set up a Republican to inherit the White House in 2008?

Oh god.

I turn the page to read Maureen Dowd, and don't make it past her first sentence, "Girlfriend had a rough week."

Lastly, the Public Editor's column, which almost always is interesting, hits big this week with a piece on trying to keep the crazy down to a minimum on the public comments section on the Times' website. Ah yes crazy commentors, I'm familiar with them... Why you gotta be so crazy?

Sunday Styles

I like to balance hard with soft, so this quasi-pointless section is next. I say "quasi-pointless," but that's all just as front. I love this this shit like I love a vampire romance novel when I have the flu. Or... whenever. Whatever, that's not the point, shut up.

The cover article is about Hollywood Big Wigs taking their kids to premiers and whatnot. My stomach, still uppity from Dowd, revolts, and I take solace in Bill Cunningham's "On the Street." A collection of fashion shots around the city, this column is one of my favorites. Firstly, it's like old-skool Sartorialist and secondly, if you've ever seen Bill Cunningham, he's like an old-timey gentleman friend who'd take you to tea at the Four Seasons and tell you stories about the woman he nearly ran away with. This week is all fabulous clutches, and a large, flat black patent leather one immediately catches my eye. There's also the Prada clutch which no one seems to have noticed is really ugly and not chic at all. Still, bless you Bill Cunningham!

This week's Modern Love column is a nice change from the usual mid-20's navel grazing cryfest. Virginia A. Smith writes about looking for a man to have child with during the AIDS epidemic that wiped out whole swathes of the gay community in New York. I'm reminded that as kooky crazy as my life gets, at least I don't have the whole bundle of shit that every gay person has to deal with. I don't have to come out as straight and I don't have to worry about making it legal for me to marry the person I love. To crib from Chris Rock, I'm gonna ride this straight thing out as long as possible.

Oh the Vow's section. You want the craziest New York stories? Here is where you find the shit that tops that guy who kept a tiger in his Harlem apartment. This week's big story are Mei Sze Chan and Jeff Greene. Here's a sampling, which I believe all speaks for itself.

#1: "'I wasn't sitting at home,' said Ms. Chan, 32... She sometimes attended a half dozen parties a night in New York or the Hamptons. 'I would meet hundreds of people in a week.'"

#2: "And few knew [the party circuit's] allure better than Mr. Greene, who in 2003 was tagged by Vanity Fair as a major player in the Los Angeles after-hours scene.

#3: "The mutual attraction was immediate, and in the haze of music and pheromones, they drifted away together to a quieter spot. She touched his shoulder. He held her hand. Then he started talking about mortgages."

#4: The Los Angeles skyline glimmered as the bride appeared in a gown of hand-beaded Swarovski crystals, and four swans glided alongside her as she made her way to the French limestone gazebo, where Mr. Greene waited for her, beaming."


My Sunday morning bagel tastes even better the second time it's in my mouth.


The Front Section

Musharraf has freaked the fuck out and turned his country into his little totalitarian playground by shutting down pretty much everything. We Americans told the Iraqis to cancel an oil deal with the Russians, so they did, which will totes make the Russians love us even more. Continuing our plan to fuck up the Middle East even more, our sanctions are making the World Bank put a stopper on aid to Iran.

There's a huge article by Adam Nagourney on the standing of the Presidential candidates, which I glance over, but refuse to get invested in, as part of my "Don't Go Crazy in 2008" plan. College friends will recall that I was obsessed with the 2004 presidential election, beginning in 2002, and so when George W. Bush was re-elected, I was bore a resemblance to Gollum when Frodo took away his Precious. Standard freakout reaction began: couldn't get out of bed, couldn't eat, ate everything I saw, etc. I was a shell of a human being for about three weeks.

This year I'm pacing myself and will go back to reading everything, watching everything and talking exclusively about the election when we're 6 months out from the actual election. Until then, I'm keeping my eye on the President who is starting to act like a contestant on Super Market Sweep with only a minute left to get as many honey-cured hams as possible.

I read the obituary of Johtje (YO-tya) Vos, a Dutch woman who housed and saved Jews during the War and died at the age of 97 after living in Woodstock and is survived by three sons, 15 grandchildren and 15 great-grandchildren. Over the course of the war, they saved 36 people, sometimes housing as many as 14 at a time. When interviewed about what she and her husband, Aart Vos, had done, she said, "I want to to say right away that the words 'hero' and 'righteous gentiles' are terribly misplaced...I don't feel righteous, and we are certainly not heroes, becase we didn't sit at the table when the misery started and say, 'O.K., now we are going to risk our lives to save some people.'" When she was younger, she ran off to Paris to be a freelance journalist.

What am I doing with my life again?

The Arts

I see an ad for "The Things We Want" a new play by Jonathan Marc Sherman, directed by Ethan Hawke, and features Peter Dinklage and Paul Dano. I think to myself that you can't put a price on such a bundle of unconventional hotness, and then see that tickets are costing $56.25. Apparently, you can.

SPECIAL SECTION!!!: HOLIDAY MOVIES!!!!

Huge ad for "Fred Claus." I wish they would just make "Watch Vince Vaugh Talk Shit" (which would probably be hilarious), be done with it, and leave Paul Giamatti out of it.

I skim a gushfest on Heath Ledger. Small pieces on two of my favorite younger actors, Ellen Page and Paul Dano (a double serving of him, how lovely)

Groan at a massive ad for The Golden Compass, which manages to look more boring any time I see anything about it.

A word on "I Am Legend": I've seen the preview for this movie more times than I'd like to, and every time it pisses me off more. I don't need to see people running down the streets of New York, screaming in fear as shit blows up and ash flies around. You want to show the Brooklyn Bridge being blown up? Really? I guess we didn't get enough of that sort of thing with The Day After Tomorrow, or you know, that time when buildings actually fell and people ran down the street of New York, screaming in fear and ash swirled around.



So that wraps up my wrap up. I'll just say that you should all take a look-see at the Book review for a review of John Updike's new collection of essays.

And with that, I'll leave you to it.


Happy Sunday!