...

EA: Jesus, fuck. Palin is campaigning in Georgia.

AK: Yeah, I thought about going to heckle her, but I doubt she will be anywhere in Atlanta that I am

EA: She's running NOW? She won't even wait till at least past the first hundred days? Her state budget is fucked -- she has shit to do in Alaska.

AK: Uh, she doesn't care.

EA: What if, in 4 years, things are still shitty because we're in more trouble than just a little "kerfuffle": two wars, a global economic shittypants crazy meltdown that we started, our planet is dying not-so-slowly, etc. -- and people get annoyed that Obama didn't met all the insane expectations, and she wins. SHE WINS.

AK: Dude.You can't go there now. We have all thought of that, in our deepest darkest moments, but you can't go there right now. You will go crazy.

If you want to go there, it's the Carter theory: Dems would be so much better off if Carter'd lost because he inherited the post-Nixon shittiness: gas went through the roof, things went crazy, he didn't fix it, and then we got Reagan and the era of new conservatism from which we have not recovered.So...

EA: ...That was supposed to make me feel better?

Hats Off, Ms. Hatty.

I couldn't agree more.

But seriously: update your blog, woman.

I See You!

According to my mixed up files, someone in Alaska is reading this blog.

Sarah, is that you?

Occam's Razor says it is. And I always believe him. It.

"This Is My Dance Space, This Is Your Dance Space"

I have a myspace account that I've been trying to delete since I started it. The problem is, I pretty much knew I was going to hate it when I signed up for it, so I gave the contact e-mail as those "@mac.com" addresses. Of course, I don't know what my password for it is, so without the password, I can't click on the cancellation confirmation e-mail. Really I just think Rupert Murdoch won't let me go.

Myspace bothers me because it's poorly designed, ugly, and has crap spam controls, but mostly because I get a high quotient of crazy in my inbox. An "uptown problem" if there ever was one, I know.

There's the occasional "Did you know that we're secretly twin sisters!?" and various slightly sexually threatening notes, but mostly I get a lot of the "Read my script" sort of thing. Hey, I get it, everyone thinks they need to hustle so they can make it big. But could you show your type A-biggest-star-in-your-high-school-musical moxie elsewhere?

I hope your movie gets made -- I do! But I have to tell you: I can't get your movie made. I can't even get people to watch the youtube videos I think are funny -- LIKE THE ONE OF THE CAT RIDING THE ROOMBA! (See below.)

Now that the record has been set straight, I'm sure MySpace will be a happy, crazy-free place.


Right?

The Best Thing I've Ever Seen Part Whatever

The Importance of Being Eager

Excuse me for a moment while I get eager.

The best advice I ever got about writing came from, believe it or not (ha!) the Bible. God knows (ha!) how I feel about Jesus, but since both he and the advice was a metaphor, I think it works.

Anyway, the sermon on the mount. Jesus is going to speak to a crowd of hundreds who, because they expect a dinner with the show, are looking to not only be given the Word Of G-D, but some fish and maybe some bread too. The disciples are shocked to find that they only have six loaves of bread and six fishes -- not enough to feed everyone, obviously, but Jesus tells them to start handing out food. The disciples, confused, do as they're told -- what good would disciples be if they didn't do as told? -- and some how, the crowd is fed. Every one is satisfied.

Had they tried to split up all the food so everyone got the exact amount that they deserved, no one would get anything, but by acting like they'd never run out, everyone had enough.

I'd come to a Professor because I was stalled, blocked. I had an image that I wanted to build on for a story, but my confidence was so shot, I didn't want to waste it on a story I felt I'd never have the guts or follow through to finish. Hence this little lecture: If I kept hoarding ideas like I'd only have one good chance to do something with them, I'd never get even that one story done.You have to give it away like you're never going to run out.

If you treat your work, your talent, your ideas, like you're going to run out, you will. Writing begets writing. Thought begets thought, etc.

But lately I've been thinking that this doesn't just apply to writing, or even fish and bread. It pretty much applies to everything, but what's prompted me to post on this has been thinking about a need for validation.

If you need validation, you have to give it. I know I personally have been treating validation, and to a larger extent love, as if they were finite substances. Treating them both as though I need to delineate exactly how much everyone needs -- which means of course that there's never enough, especially not for my voraciousness. If you want validation and love you have to give it away like you're never going to run out, because then you never will. Creativity, validation, love: these are infinite. These are the proper destinies of the human heart.

Here endeth the lesson.

(Cheers Prof. Russell)

Things That Are Awesome: Jon Stewart's Brain, The Real Tradition of America

I'm the first to admit that perhaps the Daily Show gets an embarrassing amount of people fawning over it. I'll cringe when I hear the audience laugh uproariously at a bit that maybe deserved a chuckle, but it's segments like the above that earn all that adoration and the accolades.

This footage should be put in a time capsule to explain the America we've lived with in for the past eight years -- along with maybe that interview with Chris Matthews. It's validation, vindication, with a little dash of masturbation, just for fun.

I might have gotten a little teary-eyed watching it. Seriously, I might spend the length of the Obama presidency (...here I go again...) crying. Just like how I spent a majority of the Bush presidency crying, but you know, a happier version.

The 'Tradition of America' is a progression of individual freedoms. You know what the Tradition of America would say? Gay marriage is the next step in the progression. That's the Tradition of America.

Stuff.

Hello Out There In Internetland.

Couple of things. First (and a little pathetic) you can now be a "follower" of this blog! Right now I have 1 follower -- thanks person! I don't really know what it means to follow a blog, but I think it means you get gold and/or red stars according to your preference. Click on the thingie next to the thing.

Secondly, should you (or someone you know) want to hire me to write something for you, now you can not only ask me, but my spiffy brand new agent!

I can write lots of things. Things about stuff that annoys me, things I really like, stuff about how I feel about stuff. Anything, really.

That is all.

Oh, and puppies.

What Obsolescence Looks Like

Bless You, John McCain

I'm a slightly conflicted because I really do want her to fade back into the mists of Alaska. I want her to be a sign of stagnation, of the death of the GOP, of everything wrong of the past eight years, and of lessons we have learned as Americans. Therefore, I don't want to write about her.

However, this made me laugh out loud:

At the moment, however, Ms. Palin’s message sounds highly “Sarah-centric.” On this redemption tour, Ms. Palin is the headliner and her former running mate is a historical footnote. Ms. Palin said she wanted to introduce Mr. McCain on election night in order to “brag him up,” as she put it, “and do what John McCain just can’t seem to do for himself, bless his heart.”

"Bless his heart"? That's what my southern relatives would say when they wanted to insult someone without seeming "rude."

"The Turner's youngest daughter? Well doesn't she just have the face of a dog, bless her heart!"

Steve Schmidt should be in a bunker somewhere thinking, "My god... I've created a monster."

A monster the GOP has to live with.

Do Not Trust The Internets. Or Me.

Hey Everybody, look!



I am 100% credibly full of shit!

Things That Are Awesome: Get Your War On

Get the latest news satire and funny videos at 236.com.

David Rees's Get Your War On has been providing me with comfort and laughs since the days after that day in 2001.I highly recommend you buy the book which documents 2001-2008. Seriously. I don't know how many of his comics I've cut out and pasted in my journal because my own angsty "Fuck me, oh God, why Lord" rantings just weren't getting my point across.

You might recognize his stuff from the Letters To The Editor page every month in Rollingstone, but now he's doing videos for 23/6.

I Am Only Joking. Ish.

I saw the Barack Obama win the presidency, and then saw the Decemberists rock the fuck out.

Both left me wanting to pass on my genes.

I BELIEVE IN THE HOPE

Recipe for joy:

1. Put on Bruce Springsteen's "Bad Lands."

2. Crank up the volume.

3. Sing, Cry, Dance.

4. To get you started, see below: (Seriously, these lyrics will never been the same for me)

...And We Did

Can you imagine having to wake up this morning with that sad man and the tv lady having won?

But they didn't!

Victory pancakes for the world.

(Go read this. It will make you cry for joy in your victory pancakes, as I am doing right this very moment.)

My Coverage of The Election

Exciting times call for desperate measures. Read my new post over at the HuffPo here.

I am also live blogging over at Vanity Fair.

I LOVE YOU ALL BUT ONLY IF YOU GO VOTE

Oh my goodness! It's election day, and I am so happy I am posting a picture of a flag of a flag (that was in my neighborhood this summer)!

Have you voted!? I have!!!! I'm still a California voter, so I got to be a really big hippie. Yes for the Gay! Yes for animals being able to "fully extend their wing OR limb, be able to fully turn around and sit down as well as spend a portion of the day outside"!!!!! No on preaching at women who need abortions!!!

This morning, on NPR, they were interviewing first time voters, and I cried as I was making breakfast, not gonna lie. Then I might have gotten weepy when I saw the voters at one of the polling places in my 'hood:








GO VOTE EVERYONE!!! YAY VOTING!

OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA

OBAMARAMADINGDONG!

FUCKING FREAK OUT EXCITED NERVOUS VOMIT YAY!

What The F (Train)!? (Har Har Har)

I might have seen an anti-abortion poster on the subway. I might have written on it in lipstick.