FIIIIIVE GOOOOOOOLD RIIIIIIINGS

Happy Merry, everyone!

I enjoy a day arbitrarily assigned to help people remember charity, joy, beauty and all that good shit.

Ok, I have to get back to playing Rock Band. But before I do, here's my favorite Christmas song.

Do People Read During Complete Economic Meltdowns?

Google, are you trying to be ironic?

I Could Have Loved You

Hi!

Ok, so everyone has their dinner party question, wherein since you don't know anyone you attempt to make conversation that is A. fun, B. won't insult anyone and C. helps you get to know the people you're forced to talk with and eat next to for the rest of the evening.

Or, at least, I have a dinner party question just like that.

It goes like this:

"What celebrity or famous person crush do you have that flares the crazy-voice in the back of you head that makes you think, 'No, seriously, if we met, I bet you we'd really actually like each other. I could totally see us going out, for serious."

I have heard many interesting answers as my time as That Girl Who Feels Like She Has To Force Conversation: George Clooney, Julian Schnabel, Eva Mendes, Kurt Cobain (...yikes...), Sean Lennon and many, many more.

While my longest standing crush has been Trent Reznor (I swoon for industrial uber-angst) I will say that my I-Could-Love-You-If-You'd-Let-Me-Wait-Why-Are-You-Running-Away crush is someone whose name sounds like "Shmeego Blortensen."

Who is yours!?

Guh.

She's not really selling a movie, she's selling herself as being as hot or equally hot than a particular "other woman." But riddle me this:

Jennifer Aniston has to be naked on the cover of GQ to sell a movie about a dog? Srsly?

Speaking of naked people, here are some more, but in a less hateable sceanario. Suitable for work.



Oh David Byrne. So weird. So weirdly attractive.

(Sorry for the formatting issues!)

Cat Vs. Printer

It is hard to change ink cartridges when you don't have hands. And are a cat.

Le Sigh.

Sofia Coppola, arch goddess of PrettyPorn strikes again.

Egads, but this is powerful stuff.

I want the perfume! I want the dress! I want the bicycle! I want Paris!

I want to always be lit like that!

I'm An Idiot

My friend Emma and I were trying to work our schedules out to go do yoga together, and while she was racing to get things done at her office, her away message was "Trying to get to a 6:45 yoga class. It might be a stretch."

This was last week.

I JUST got it.

I know what you're thinking: why are you still thinking about your friend's away message from a week ago? To distract you from this totally logical question, here's a list of other things I've been a total numbskull about:

1. "The Immaculate Collection."

I just thought Madonna thought her "Best Of" record was really, really, really good.

2. Martin Luther King Jr.

Just yesterday I realized that without the "King" bit, he's got the same name as Martin Luther. Is there something about that name that makes people go around, over throwing shit?

3. The first grade.

Best two years of my life.

4. Most things that don't have to do with cats falling down.

Or Beatles trivia.

Forget What I Said, The Internet Is Awesome

Oh. Mai. Gawd.

A. Frontline is now online.

B. Mormons.

(You know how we do.)

Things That Are Awesome: Charley

Ok, seriously, it's been a while since something made me both laugh and cry at the same time.

It might have been when you vomited parrot bay and chili cheese fries.

Anyway, here.



On an animal related note, while the trailer for "Marley and Me" does make me laugh (...don't give me that look. A cat on a Roomba made me giggle until I snorted, remember?) there is no way I will be seeing it.

I don't need to have read the book to know that dog is going to die.

Nuh uh. No way. I'm still recovering from "All Dogs Go To Heaven."

Go Read This Thing: PrettyPorn

If you're nice, you'll go read my piece on what I'm calling PrettyPorn over at the HuffPo. And then if you're nice AND CUTE you'll buzz it on my BuzzFeed page.

I know, I ask a lot of you. But remember that time when I held your hair back while you vomited Parrot Bay and chili cheese fries? It was really gross. You totally owe me.

Photo: thecherryblossomgirl.com

Things That Are Awesome: This

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

I would like to point out that this takes place at a Sacramento Community College. Woo woo!

Happy Merry

I have a lot of memories of playing tag with my brother at the nursery in Sacramento where we bought our tree every year -- the lot so packed with potentials it was like a real forest. In the car on the way home I'd smell my coat sleeves to hang on to the scent of them.

This morning I passed my first Christmas tree line-up on my street in Brooklyn. I couldn't help but pause and breathe deeply for a little bit. The guy working there smiled and paused with me. Then I nodded and he nodded back and we went back to our days.

I hope it snows soon.