Are you related to--

Abraham Lincoln? Yes. I am. (Seriously. I am.)

Can I send you my script?

No. Sorry! Abraham Lincoln is dead now, and so is no longer making major motion pictures. Sadly.

I have the best idea for a movie and/or television show! Can I tell you about it? 

No. Sorry! But you should write it! Why not, right?

Will you put me in touch with--

No. Sorry!

But you don't understand; I'm a professional! 

No. Sorry!

Did you take that photo of Cinderella getting drunk?

No. Sorry! Dina Goldstein did and I hope she won't mind I'm using it.

Do you write your tweets? 

Yes. Sorry!

Are you the street artist known as Hanksy?

No. Sorry!